Emotional Agility
I listened to Jay Shetty’s podcast, On Purpose, the other day and he had a conversation with the author Susan David. The conversation revolved around her book on Emotional Agility and went into depth on how we deal with difficult situations and the best ways to handle them. She defines emotional agility as “the ability to come to your inner world - your thoughts, emotions, experiences and self-stories – with courage, compassion and curiosity.” She believes in using these experiences for growth, instead of letting them hold you hostage. Having mental clarity can help us make meaningful life decisions and emotional agility is the key to thriving.
WHY EMOTIONAL AGILITY MATTERS?
The way we navigate our inner world - our everyday thoughts, emotions, experiences, and self-stories - is the most important determinant of our life success. It drives our actions, careers, relationships, happiness, health; everything. For example: Do we let our self-doubts, failings, shame, fear, or anger hold us back? Can we be determined, persevering toward key life goals, but just as importantly, have the insight and courage to recognize when these goals are not serving us, and adapt? Are we able to make real and important changes to our habits so that how we want to live and how we actually live, are one and the same.
She mentioned that she has an Emotional Agility quiz on her website that gives you a detailed report on how to approach life with your current values. I decided to take the quiz, and below is what it entails.
The first part of the quiz is a set of statements and it asks you to rank how strongly you agree with each statement. These statements range from ones about being your own worst critic and whether you let setbacks derail you, all the way to taking a long time to make the changes you want to make. Although these are great things to think about and questions we should be asking ourselves. I feel like it’s really hard to be completely honest with yourself at times. I’m not sure how the quiz uses your answers exactly, but I always find myself being more lenient on myself when deciding between “agree” or “strongly agree”. That could just be me though and I need to be stricter with myself. The second part of the test asks you to pick the three things you value most from the list below. “Your personal values are what you care about and consider important. They are at the core of what you find meaningful in life.”
Reliability, Responsibility, Challenge, Flexibility, Experimentation, Caring, Cooperation, Autonomy, Listening, Accuracy, Simplicity, Sensitivity, Generosity, Adventure, Confidence, Bravery, Accountability, Belonging, Change, Trust, Relationships, Community, Straightforwardness, Efficiency, Diversity
I found this part nearly impossible. I could not pick just three values from this list and rank them too. I feel like I value a lot of these things and some shouldn’t be prioritised over others. But that may be a “me” issue too and others may find this obvious and easy to do.
The final part of the quiz then asks you how well you apply these values to aspects of your life on a scale of one to ten. It also asks how well you deal with daily frustrations and challenges. Again, I found this a bit tricky to answer as accurately as possible. I also feel like they vary day today so I couldn’t give a definitive answer. I answered as best as I could and had my report emailed to me.
In the report, David uses a fish metaphor to explain growth and the steps to get there. When you are in your own head and holding yourself back you are “hooked”, and when you have gone through her steps, you are “thriving”. Being hooked means being stuck in your thoughts, emotions and experiences. The steps are showing up, stepping out, walking your why and moving on.
The first step, showing up, is about recognizing and breaking unhelpful patterns that may impact your ability to thrive at work and at home. Stepping out, “is the process by which we recognize our thoughts and emotions as containing potentially valuable information, but at the same time we do not allow those thoughts and emotions to drive us, our reactions and our choices.” Walking your why is “the process both of understanding what is important to you, and of incorporating these values in your day-to-day actions.” Moving on “concerns your ability to make intentional shifts at work and home that lead to greater well-being, life success and fulfilment.”
It feels like the report attempts to make it personal based on your answers in the quiz, but it still gives off that generic feel. Although I haven’t read Susan David’s book yet, I think this report gives you a good idea of what it’s about. The report is packed full of useful tips and mistakes we need to look out for. I feel like the definitions and the focal points of the report are important and I learnt a lot from them. These are personal issues we should be thinking about more often as we don’t realise that more often than not, we are the ones holding ourselves back. Although the report did feel a bit general, it still pointed my attention to aspects of myself I hadn’t given much attention to previously. Happiness seems to stem from self-acceptance and that’s what this report focuses on, understanding yourself and your flaws and then accepting them in order to grow. It’s always good to think a little harder and do some introspection, which is why I think this quiz is still worth it.